Saturday, October 5, 2013

Okay, so like I'm totally bored of this blog. I love all of you who follow me, and if you also love me too, please come and follow my new blog

I feel this space is too restrictive for what I really wanted to be posting about, but after my positive response for my last blog post, I figured why not make a blog that is actually about me, as opposed to just what my little hands and machines produce.

Yay!


Sunday, August 4, 2013

Coming to Terms with Yourself


I have been seeing head people for as long as I can remember. On and off, my entire childhood and adolescence seems to have revolved around a small, quaint room filled with posters screaming bright slogans such as ‘YOU CAN DO IT!’ and ‘LET YOUR SMILE SHINE!’. At that point in my life, I wasn’t even sure if I was capable of smiling. For the last twenty odd years of my twenty-two year old life I have been what I constantly referred to as a ‘pulpy mess’. Most of the time I could call my sense of being and state of mind as akin to the process of making paper. Murky mush being agitated and pushed through a machine. These colourful rooms with their comfy couches and friendly, older faces over time morphed into clean, white rooms, with not so friendly faces. Where I would usually hold tissues in my clammy, young hands I instead found prescriptions for various antidepressants and anxiety management medications.


Without going into too much detail about my life, I was a largely ignored child by my parents and family, heavily bullied at school, with an abusive best friend who (I only in recent times discovered) had Asperger’s syndrome. I was openly disliked, a compulsive liar, an attention seeker, and due to my sexual awareness from a young age I was often not invited to social gatherings with other friends because I was apparently a bad influence on the other children. The only person with time for me was my grandmother, but that quickly evaporated when she moved away to be nearer to her disabled daughter, a seven hour drive away from the only pair of arms that truly loved me (or so it felt, anyway).



My sub-zero self esteem, teamed with an uncontrollable rage left me socially crippled, with barely enough gumption to get up and go to school on weekday mornings. This gradually transformed when I hit age 16, and I was introduced to the man who changed my life. As much as I would like to say something like ‘he stood at the front of the room with a sly grin on his face as he welcomed his new pupils for the year’, I honestly can’t remember what the hell he did, but I know I would have been taken aback by the three piece suit. Damian Byrne, my Year 11 Visual Communication and Design teacher, noticed something in me that to my understanding had never been acknowledged by anyone else before; I had talent, and I had a lot of it. He helped me to see the good in myself, and for the first time in my life I felt like I was going to be somebody.



Unfortunately this new appreciation for myself escalated too much the other way. I became a narcissistic douche bag. That brought with it its own journey, but by age twenty-one I had come to a comfortable level, the equilibrium between self-esteem and self-worth. Though I was still pretty much a sad sack I still saw head people from time to time. One of these head people was a psychiatrist who began teaching me The Work, that is, the theories of Byron Katie. Though I took on board what he’d told me in session, I didn’t bother with the book he recommended me at the time.



Between then and now, I would like to introduce y’all to a few of my own personal methods on coming to terms with yourself that I have been employing for the last year or so.


Number One: Stop taking yourself too seriously.



I can’t even begin to explain this one on a personal, anecdotal level. Those who have known me for longer than a year may appreciate how seriously I took myself. It brought me nothing but embarrassment and more anxiety in the end. I would tell people my grand ideas and then stress to the point of nausea if I felt for a second I may not be able to follow these fantastical schemes through. I always tried, and made a lot of headway, which just stressed me out more. All of my dormant projects still bring me shame and misery in one way or another. On a social level though, not taking myself so seriously anymore has caused me to enjoy my time with other people, and I feel they might actually genuinely enjoy my presence too.



Number Two: Ignore your star sign.



For anyone into zodiac, this may be relevant. For anyone who thinks it’s all poppycock, take this point on board but feel free to ignore it as well. I happen to fall into the former category. Being Cancerian convinced me that I was not much more than an overemotional twat. It’s been proven, I’m sure, that you become what you’re told you’re going to be. Or something. Whenever I would cry or feel anxious, I would be met with “oh, you’re such a Cancerian. Stop being such a Cancerian.” By description, my favourite people were Geminis. I wanted to be one so badly. Why couldn’t I be born in early June?! This thought caressed my mind on many occasions. I realised that perhaps it really is all poppycock, though, and feel I have embraced being a pseudo Gemini in the last little while, attempting to be more social and more of a party hound.



Number Three: Happiness is an emotional state.



Following on from being an overemotional Cancerian, it took me some time to realise that happiness is actually an emotion. It’s odd, because I had been musing this for a while, and it was confirmed by my friend Rachel the other day, when she said exactly the same thing to me whilst on a lunch date. People don’t realise that happiness is not a natural state of being. It is an emotional state of being. You can control your thoughts and learn how to be happy. I won’t write all that down because I’d probably be up for plagiarism from Byron Katie.



Number Four: You don’t have to actualise every idea you have.



This is just another point following on from taking yourself too seriously. This realisation came from one of Rachel’s friends via Facebook conversation a week or so ago when I became overwhelmed with my fabric collection and expressed my feelings via status update. This simple notion was never really considered by me. I don’t have to make everything I think up happen! What a relief! I think up things constantly. We just need to filter our ideas and pick only the best ones to devote our time to and run with. Though this may seem like such a given notion, I’d like to quote Leonard Cohen here from his book ‘Beautiful Losers’, that is, ‘never overlook the obvious’.



Number Five: You do not need to know everything.



There have been absolutely countless times where I have lied about knowing something, having seen a film, read a book, heard of a band, or be familiar with a celebrity. It then became anxiety inducing when my so-called knowledge of the subject was questioned, or I was asked to give my opinion. My motive for doing this was simple: I wanted people to like me, and appear to have common interests. Seeing as I’ve found that people on the whole are all similar beings, I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has done this. I have been traumatised by conversations like this:



Person: You’ve seen ‘Forest Gump’, yeah?

Me: No, actually I-

Person: YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ‘FOREST GUMP’?! ARE YOU CRAZY!? YOU CALL YOURSELF A FILM STUDENT! HEY JOEY, THIS CHICK OVER HERE HAS NEVER SEEN ‘FOREST GUMP’!

Me: *hides under table*



Although this was quite embarrassing in regards to the reaction of said Person, it did end up with us entertaining the idea of going back to their house and watching it at 4am. Though, this never happened, I know the offer is still probably there. I love sharing things with people. Music, movies (especially movies!), fashion brands, etc. I’m guessing other people do too. So if you tell the person asking if you know of –blah-, say no. It opens up an opportunity to get together with this person again and you can get connected to part of their world that they would not have otherwise shared with you.



Number Six: You cannot ignore your nature.



When I was smaller, I was obsessed with children. I wanted my own so badly. I mothered my friends. When I was diagnosed with endometriosis and informed that I may not be able to conceive I went into a deep, angry period and hated children, pregnant women, seeing families in the supermarket, the whole shebang. It did not help that my mother had bought over a maternity wear store and I was working pretty much full time there for a while. This angry shell finally broke one day and I realised that even if I can’t have my own children, I am a born mother and I can’t change that. I’m also a born flirt, and a hopeless romantic, but that is something that is actually detrimental to my daily function. I can’t suppress it though, it’s my nature. But also not an excuse.



Number Seven: More people give a shit about you than you think.



I don’t even need to explain this one.



Number Eight: Everyone’s winging it.



As a child, I was convinced that once I reached adulthood I would have it all together. Because adults seemed to have it all worked out and all. What faith! In a deep conversation with my cousin (who is a lawyer) we discussed how both of us, a professional and a student, had no idea what the heck we were doing, and that we were just making it all up as we go. Accepting that you’re perhaps not supposed to have it all together is probably the most refreshing thing ever.



Number Nine: Be as you as you can be!



In my dating life (and friend life to an extent) I would freak out about the ‘rules’ of dating. Am I allowed to text them now? Should I call them? Is it weird to tell this person I miss them? Am I allowed to be annoyed with them? All these questions, Nitty would just answer “just be you”. Just be me? My frantic, jumbled, hilarious, intense lump of me? I can’t do that, possibly! The person of my affection would run and find me crazy. Her reasoning was simple, and effective:



If this person truly likes you, and wants to be with you, they will not run from your true self.



This brings me to my favourite quote from Dr Seuss, ‘Be who you are and say what you feel, for those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind’.



That’s pretty much all that I can be arsed writing right now, and if you got this far I congratulate you on your want to improve your life, or stalk mine, either or, I am proud of you.



I cannot stress enough of the book ‘I Need Your Love – Is That True?’ by Byron Katie. Hell, someone’s even uploaded the entire audio book on YouTube! Please search for the playlist, I’d link you but I don’t want to lose my spot! ;)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Celebrating Seuss with a Dress


Oh my gosh I actually made something. Still trying to wade through the waters of my odd life but at least now I have time to do something that truly makes me feel good about everything - sewing.


This is the same Very Easy Vogue pattern I used back in like... 2011? But I changed the skirt completely, making it 3/4 circle instead of a gathered square. I put pockets in it, yay!


Please excuse my dodgy photos, but Melbourne has been bucketing for the last week or so almost ceaselessly :( I don't like winter, in fact I'd go as far as to say I loathe it. Cold is not what I want to feel!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Gem Sweater Season!


*Tacky French accent* Ahhh.. ze gem sweater. Ze armor against ze cold of Melbourne in ze Winter.
Ahem. Anyhoo, yes! Winter is fast upon us which means my winter wardrobe is back in full swing, but this time with the addition of my own DIY gem sweaters!


I love Leslie Hall. She lights up my life. She has lost a lot of weight, which I'm not quite sure how I feel about. Good for her and all, but when she was chubby it was an inspiration to see her getting around in spandex and it made me feel less self conscious about random lumps here and there.


P.S. How rad is it that the 90s are a thing again! 90s fashion makes me very happy and when I get all dolled up I usually look like an overgrown ten year old.


Also Nitty cut my hair! It was long enough to cover my boobies but I got sick of it so she chopped it off in the bath for me.


This is the first gem sweater I've made this year. I have another two sweaters ready for decoration and I'm sew excited! xo

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Dolly Love!

Here's a bit of a diversion for you. I am aware that maybe 1% of you care about my Blythe doll collection, but hey. It's currently of importance for two reasons:

Reason one: I've just done a photography assignment which caused me to bond with my doll, Pip, over a two week period.

Reason two: When I have some time up my sleeve I'm going to be sewing up some tiny, tiny dresses. Stay tuned. Miniature 50s dresses on little plastic bodies excite me.

Here are some of le photos...






The top photo also shows off my glorious granny square blanket! I put this on the wall next to my computer so it's nice and cosy now instead of freezing.


I've also been getting my polymer clay on, making little eyeballs for one of my music videos I'm working on at the moment


I've ALSO learned how to knit properly! Finally! I'm working on a sweater but I'll give y'all a photo preview when I've actually done more. Knitting is so slow compared to crochet!!

Friday, April 12, 2013

Violet Shirt

We can celebrate! I officially have Internet in my apartment, which is looking superb, if I do say so myself! I think the real estate agents are going to be shocked to see it looking so cute. I've basically taken an ugly box and made it not only liveable, but welcoming and somewhere that has housed many-a-friend already.

Now, I finally was able to get some actual sewing done! Oh happy days! But I've only got one picture of it which I uploaded to my Instagram (nataliemw if you'd like to follow me there!)


As you can see, it's the Violet shirt pattern by Colette! It's no secret I love their patterns, and I think this one is an incredible muse for the time being. I've already bought the fabric to make it again in more of a western style shirt. Keep your eyes peeled! Though I must say I shall be sewing a lot less in the weeks to come as I'm currently working on three films! Golly gee wizz, pray for me, I shall need it.

I made this one with a copy-cat rip off of my favourite Michael Miller print 'Rocket Rascals'. I didn't care. It's too adorable of a fabric that I HAD to have it anyway. And seeing as Spotlight did a quilting cotton sale where everything was $9.99 per meter I went only a little bit nuts. I mean, two shirts and a dress isn't too bad for my habits! I made the collar in a hurry and I'm slightly regretting not waiting til I found the exact bright red match that I made the Ginger skirt I'm wearing out of but eh, according to my real world friends it looks fine.

At least now I will actually be able to respond to your lovely comments and such.
Much love <3

Friday, March 22, 2013

I'M NOT DEAD!

Do not fret, my dear readers. I have not off'd myself, been hit by a stolen bus, fallen off the roof after watching the sun rise, or been attacked by the Lizard People. I am in fact, still here.

But I moved!

Yes, I have moved out of my mother's home after 21.5 years of super cushy life. I moved into the smallest apartment imaginable. It is actually not that much bigger than my old bedroom, with a teensy kitchen and bathroom tacked onto the end. Here is a video I took before moving any of my stuff in:


SO SMALL

Here is what it looked like after one week of moving in:


So I haven't been doing much/any sewing. But that will change! I don't have internet yet either, so just keeping you posted before you go through the classifieds of the papers attempting to find the date and address of my funeral.

xoxoxoxox