I have been sewing as much as I can. I actually finished this dress a week and a half ago and haven't had a chance or the energy to type anything about it. The last month has pushed me so far towards the edge it's tempting to just jump off myself.
In the last two months I have come close to being fired on three or more occasions, been reprimanded for mentioning "my place of work" on a public blog by my boss, and apparently there are basically 6 people spying on me and reporting back to her, seeing as talking about my TV show with customers is apparently "pumping my business". Whatever.
Unfortunately this, and other things about work, such as my hectic shift schedule (I did 11 days in a row from Boxing Day onwards and have been working 5 and 4 days in a row on a weekly basis). I can't handle doing -anything- full time. I run from things that encroach on my personal bubble. Usually that's to do with boys, to which I just break their hearts and run. This month it wasn't their heart that got broken, but mine, a little bit. That's fixed slightly but it still makes me sad on a daily basis.
I have lost the energy to do almost everything, motivation to get out of bed is hard to muster. Hence why I haven't been as active on here, or anywhere on the internet, in the last little while. I'm also having a hard time with people who work with me and after talking it through with a few people in the know I have a case for workplace bullying.
My house is a mess. Things I've had out for over a month I just haven't had the strength to put it all away. I can barely walk around in my sewing room. My anxiety got horrifically bad to the point of having to go to the hospital thanks to a certain "friend" at work who decided she didn't like working with me anymore, and told me to "get the fuck over" my issues a little while ago which just made EVERYTHING worse. If I could lay on the floor and do nothing all day, I definitely would, and being of a workaholic nature the idea of sitting around doing nothing is ordinarily distasteful.
On top of everything it's becoming more and more apparent that my best friend will be moving to Canada to be with her boyfriend after he finishes his placement in Nigeria. Bleh.
Anyway in happier news, here's a dress I whipped up in a hurry. My friend Sophie had an Alice in Wonderland themed dinner party, and three days before the party I remembered I had Alice in Wonderland fabric I bought a while ago from the Fat Quarter Shop! I had been wanting to try out some of my new patterns so I picked Butterick 5748. I didn't have enough to do a full circle skirt so this one's just a half circle.
Oh gosh, what a story! I hope you're ok! Life goes on and sometimes it just sucks!! But hey, what goes around comes back around :)
ReplyDeleteFor the dress, I just LOVE IT !! I'm in love with Alice in Wonderland since i'm born so I want your dress to myself !! haha
I didn't get your postal package if you have send it or maybe you just don't remember :P
I hope everything will turn out good for you! Keep chearing up!!
And if you didn't read my first message, i've also nominated you for the liebster award! You have one of my favorite sewing blog ever !! haha :)
Deletehttp://mpbymaude.blogspot.ca/2013/01/liebster-award.html
Oh no:( So sorry to hear about all the terrible things going on.. people can be so cruel.
ReplyDeleteIf someone had told me to get the fuck over it, I would have bitchslapped her!
Boo to having your heart broken, even if it is just a little bit :(
Hope your feeling better soon chick XX
The dress looks gorgeous as always:)
www.becstitches.blogspot.com.au
Also I nominated you for a Liebster award:)
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I am so sorry that your professional life has been giving the worst vibes to you. Sounds like you're in a difficult stage - and I do agree, sounds like you have a case for workplace bullying! Keep strong and know we are all behind you, and I will send good karma to you to get you through.
ReplyDeleteAnd your dress - oh, oh, so sweet!
Ugh, I'm so sorry! I know it sounds trite, but this too shall pass. You'll get through this and you'll be in a happier place soon, I just know it. But ugh! Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side, your dress is way cute!
Aww babe! Hugs. Having your heart broken is never nice, but you're an awesome chick, you'll be okay :)
ReplyDeleteI think I saw you on the train yesterday in a yellow striped dress?? Was that you??
I know what it is like to have crippling anxiety. Sometimes, the feeling is so overwhelming and it literally consumes your every thought. I was literally at the point of rock bottom. I had to remove certain things from my life that were causing me to go there. Over the past few years, I have slowly been able to reincorporate those things in my life and get rid of mostly all of the feelings of anxiety. I'm not a neurologist, but I had read once, that near constant thoughts about the things that cause you anxiety, creates further neural pathways to perpetuate that behavior (making it harder and harder to stop). I might suggest looking for a new job, if that seems to be a main trigger for you lately. Some things are not worth your personal health and well being. I hope you are able to find what works for you!
ReplyDeleteWorkplace bullying is the pits. I hate it when people make things unnecessarily difficult at work. When I had a workplace bullying incident a bit ago, it made me miserable inside and outside of my job, and I hated it everytime I had to go in. Luckily I found a way out of it: new job! Please keep your head up, it gets better! And I hope the extremely ugly knot un-knots itself!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're going through this. Life can really kick you in the "butt" sometimes. When I look back at times in my life when I've felt this way, I relized it's when I felt like I wasn't in control or didn't have enought control. I just recently saw a sign somewhere (don't remember exactly where) that said that the cure for anxiety is action. That made a lot of sense to me.
ReplyDeleteYou sound depressed and sometimes it can be difficult to move in a healthy direction when you feel this way.
Is there anyone you can talk with? Sometimes if we keep things in our own heads we just ruminate on them. It might help to talk things over with someone you trust and come up with an action plan to move forward.
Be gentle with yourself.
I miss seeing your happy stories, please write me if you want to talk about anything - or even just put it all down in writing, because sometimes that helps! megandthemachine at gmail dot com
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love and cuddles (and what was it you said in the next post, lavender oil and flaming pitchforks or something like that??)
xx